


Team Building

by LiamLordofTrash



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Tower, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Fluff and Crack, M/M, No character bashing, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 19:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19012132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiamLordofTrash/pseuds/LiamLordofTrash
Summary: The new Avengers (and some old ones) have to be registered and assigned to one of two teams. Team Tony or Team Cap. However, most aren't exactly aware of the accords, and those who do, don't care. Basically a 2012 Avengers living together fic if it happened now. Nearly every person is in this, and others will come soon if they aren't already. No character bashing of any sort, the real Civil War issues play nearly no part.





	1. Chapter 1

They had a lot of knew Avengers to introduce, and to sign up officially, so of course Nick Fury pushed it off on Nat so he could go check up on his cat. She sighed. Things were going to get ridiculous. She brought every new Avenger into the main hall of the new Avenger’s Tower. She decided to call them up in small groups. 

“Alright, can I get the uh… Revengers?” she asked. An odd group consisting of Thor, his friend Valkyrie, Bruce, a rock man, something squishy the rock man was holding and.. “Wait, Thor, is that Loki?” 

“Yes, he’s a valuable member of the team,” Thor said, wrapping an arm around his brother.

“Thor.. Do you remember the first person we fought as a team?”

“Yes.”

“Who would that be Thor?” she asked.

“Loki.”

“And you want him on the team?” she asked. 

“He helped very much against our sister Hela!” Thor said. “Isn’t that right, Banner?”

“Don’t drag me into this man,” Bruce said. 

“Did he help?” she asked Bruce.

“He shouldn’t be on this  _ planet, _ ” one of the wizards said angrily. “We had a deal, Thor.”

“Look, Mister-”

“ _ Doctor.”  _

“Alright, Ravengers, sit down, can I get the Guardians of the Galaxy?” 

“Hello, hello,” said the only human, walking up. 

“Name?”

“Starlord.” Natasha wrote it down under aliases.

“Real name?”

“Peter Quill.” 

“Alright, and I’m assuming you’re human?”

“Yeah,” Peter said, looking a little nervous. 

“Alright, any special abilities?”

“I can kick a lot of ass.”

“Alright.”

“And I’m the best pilot in the galaxy.”

“No, he’s not, I’m Rocket, and  _ I’m  _ the best pilot in the galaxy, write that down lady-” A raccoon said, pushing his way to the front. 

“One at a time,” Natasha sighed. “Alright, so, Rocket.. Is that your real name?”

“Yeah, lady.”

“You’re a raccoon?”

“Watch it, I’m not a raccoon.” Natasha wrote down raccoon anyways. 

“Alright, any special abilities?”

“Did you get best pilot?”

“Sure,” she said. She needed more coffee. 

“Also I’m a genius, I’m the best with guns, and I can speak Groot.”

“Alright.” She had no idea what Groot is and didn’t want to find out. Then a small tree walked up to her.

“Alright… What’s your name?”

“I am Groot.” She wrote Groot down.

“Species?”

“I am Groot.” She accepted it as a species, name, and language and wrote Groot again. 

“Any special abilities?”

“I am Groot. I am… Groot.” She sighed. Good enough.

“Next?”

“I am Gamora, I am the last of my species, daughter of Thanos, and I am a master assassin.” 

“Thank you,” Natasha said, writing it all down quickly. “Next.”

“I am Nebula, I am a cyborg, sister of Gamora, and I am also a master assassin. I can dislocate limbs and then put them back. Is that all you require?”

“Yes, thank you. Next.”

“Hello, I am Mantis.”

“Species?” Mantis paused for a moment. “I do not.. Know.”

“Alright.. I’ll just put non-human.. Abilities?”

“I can feel people’s emotions, and I am able to alter them some. May I show you?” Natasha was mildly amused.

“Alright.” Mantis touched her hand softly.

“You feel very irritated,” Mantis said, smiling.

“You’re right,” Natasha said, smirking a little. “Thank you, next.”

“I am Drax the Destroyer. I am a Mutate. I am a powerful fighter. I have massive turds.” Natasha paused for a moment, almost just writing ‘massive turds’. 

“Uh… Thank you. Alright, Guardians, you can go through this door, you’re going to meet Colonel James Rhodes, we call him Rhodey. He’ll get you settled in. Alright…. Captain Marvel?” Natasha asked loudly, still not wanting to deal with the Revengers, and seeing that the wizards had taken to arguing with Thor. Captain Marvel walked up.

“Name?”

“Captain Marvel.”

“Real name?”

“Carol Danvers.”

“Species?” She paused for a moment.

“Human.” 

“Abilities?”

“Just put me down for everything,” she said, grinning. Natasha sighed. “Flight, super strength, durability, energy blasts.”

“I’ve seen a lot and that’s far from everything,” Natasha said. Carol chuckled. 

“That’s all I know of now, but I’m just getting started. Oh, also add that I can breathe in space.”

“Alright. Be careful with Rhodey, he may not have your fancy powers but he still outranks you Captain.”

“Oh I will.. Also.. I’m only kind of a Captain,” Carol said. 

“So is Captain America, don’t worry about it,” Nat said. Carol walked through the door. Natasha looked down the list.

“Wakandans?” she asked. “Alright, King T’Challa, you’re already cleared.”

“Thank you, Natasha.”

“But we will need to record your sister and guard.”

“I am Shuri, I am a human, and a genius. My extra abilities are technological advancements,” Shuri said. 

“I am Okoye, I am human, and a loyal guard of the royal family of Wakanda.”

“Wonderful, thank you all for keeping this quick,” she said softly. “Would you like to just be put down as Shuri or Princess Shuri?” Shuri paused. 

“Just Shuri.” 

“Alright, you know Rhodey, he’s got to send you to the worst part of all this, picking a team.”

“I thought we were one team? The Avengers?” asked Shuri.

“We are, but everyone falls into one of two camps, Team Tony or Team Cap.”

“What is with the teams? Can we make a new team? Team Shuri?”

“Shuri, don’t exasperate their problems further,” T’Challa said. “Come along now.” They went through the door. Her only options were the Revengers, the wizards, or the last one dubbed the Spidey Squad. She knew something was wrong when there was a whole ‘Spidey Squad’. 

“The Spidey Squad?” she asked. 

“Hey, Mrs. Romanov, this is Ned-”

“Peter,  _ no _ ,” she sighed.

“Wait, hear me out,” Peter said. 

“Peter, he can not be your ‘guy in the chair’.” 

“But Mrs. Romanov-” 

“Peter,” she said sternly.

“I’m sorry, Ned, I tried,” Peter said. 

“It’s okay dude, just being here is so cool!” Ned said, looking around the room. Natasha liked Ned, but he was in no position to be an Avenger. 

“Alright, wizards, come here,” she called. The shorter man grabbed the one she recognized as Dr. Strange and yanked him towards the counter Natasha sat behind. 

“I am Wong, this is Stephen, we are both humans, and we do magic,” the man, Wong, said. He had clearly been listening. 

“Alright, Wong.. What?”

“Just Wong.” She looked to Strange.

“Just Stephen?”

“Dr. Strange.”

“Real name?” he sighed.

“Alright so I am a doctor.”

“Okay.”

“And my name is Stephen Strange.” 

“Your real, honest to God name, is Dr. Strange?” she asked.

“Yes.” 

“Alright.” Before Stephen could get in another argument with Thor, Wong pulled him through the doors. It took a long while for Natasha to fill out the rest of the paperwork for the Revengers, ultimately letting Loki be someone else’s problem and just filling out the paperwork for him. She followed the last of the new recruits in, telling Ned he could come and watch until his mom came and got him. Ned stayed by her side, likely because she could tell the others he was fine to be there, and be actually listened to. Ned watched as Rhodey explained the situation.

“Alright everybody,” Rhodey began. “As many of you are aware, there has been a divide in the Avengers team. Everyone has been divided into either Team Cap or Team Tony, and you’ll have to pick a side. Now, this side doesn’t affect much, except that your room in the Tower will be on the opposite side of the tower from the other team. Also there are t-shirts but you don’t have to wear them.” Some of the people there laughed. “I wish that was a joke guys. Also, notably, I’ll list who is already on which team. Team Tony consists of Tony Stark, me, King T’Challa, Vision, and our lovely Natasha Romanov. Team Cap consists of Steve Rogers-” 

“Wait- Captain America is  _ alive!? _ ” exclaimed Peter Quill. 

“Yes,” Rhodey said, “Cap is indeed alive. Additionally, Team Cap has Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximov, Clint Barton, and Scott Lang. Sorry everybody but you’ve got to pick a side.” There was a pause and everyone started talking. Natasha walked through the crowd, listening to them all. 

 

“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever witnessed,” Wong sighed. “What did I tell you Stephen? I told you we should not have joined this team, and that we should have stayed in the shadows. Yet here we are. Stephen, are you listening-”

“Hey everybody! Team Cap has cookies!” yelled a rather homeless looking man with a metal arm. Stephen and Wong looked to each other.

“Alright, you’re right, as per usual,” sighed Stephen, “but, Wong, tell me this. How much food is in the Sanctum fridge right now?”

“Half a carton of Hulk-a-Hulk-a Burning Fudge ice cream, two hot pockets, and… I think a leftover tuna wrap.”

“Now think about what that guy just said.”

“So we’re going Team Cap for food?” Wong raised an eyebrow.

“That would be a strong start, but watch this-”  Stephen said, turning him to watch Tony Stark.

“Team Tony has a whole buffet!” Tony yelled. Tony’s eyebrows were almost touching he was glaring so hard. 

“Team Cap doesn’t have Tony Stark!” the homeless man yelled back, grinning. 

“So we’re going Team Tony for more food?” Wong asked.

“My vote is we go Team Cap for a while, get food from them, then go Team Tony to get more food and not piss off the guy who owns the tower,” said Stephen. 

“Your creativity is one of your best attributes,” Wong said. 

“Wow, is that a real compliment?” Stephen asked. 

“Don’t get cocky.” 

 

“Alright, guys, we gotta go with Captain America,” Quill determined. 

“Who is this Captain of America?” asked Mantis.

“He is a man,” Drax said decisively. 

“He is like Kevin Bacon who died and then came back to life, he kicks so much ass!”

“Alright, that’s cool Quill, but the man in the suit said buffet,” Rocket said.

“I am Groot.” 

“Yeah, Groot gets it,” Quill said. “Team Cap has cookies. Have you ever had a cookie?”

“Is Captain America stronger than Ironman?” asked Gamora. “We should join the team that is stronger.”

“And then we shall take the food of the weaker team to establish our dominance and superiority!” Nebula yelled. 

“Yes, we will destroy the weaker team and force the rest to comply!” Drax yelled. 

“Guys, no, we’re all still one team it’s just what side of the Tower you live on,” said Quill. “We can’t beat everyone up on the other team.”

“If we join Team Cap do you think I’ll get kicked off for taking that guy’s arm?” 

“Hey, I’m Sam, I’m Team Cap, and I’m here to answer important questions. I want to say that if you did steal Bucky’s arm that would be hilarious,” Sam said. 

“So I  _ could  _ steal Bucky’s arm?”

“Yeah, go for it little man, I won’t tell him.”

“Alright, I’m sold, where’s the t-shirts?” asked Rocket.

 

Thor was going to have a hard time getting the Revengers to agree on anything. Korg and Meek were easy going and helpful.

“So uh, look guys I think we should be on Cap’s side,” Bruce said.

“Why?”

“Ultron!” Bruce said.

“You made part of Ultron,” Thor began.

“I don’t know or care what an Ultron is, I’m not working with Clint Barton,” Loki said.

“What?” asked Bruce.

“It would be too awkward,” Loki said. “I’m not doing it.” 

“Look, so uh, what if we split our little group here up nice and even and then went to opposite teams so the Revengers can be on both sides and get all the information?” Korg asked.

“That’s… Actually smart.” 

“Alright, Bruce, Korg, and Meek, you all go with Captain America. Me, Valkyrie, and Loki will go with Tony. That way it’s equal and Loki and Bruce are on the sides they want to be.” 

“Good plan,” said Valkyrie. “Hey, Thor, does Tony have booze?” 

“Lots, that’s why I went that way too,” Thor said softly. 


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone was quickly divided up, and Clint and Natasha agreed to watch them all and report back to each other for the fun of it. Peter Parker and Carol both went to Team Tony, Peter for his icon and Carol for the buffet. They were all siphoned off. Natasha went with Team Tony. She overheard Peter and Ned excitedly chatting and Thor and Valkyrie asking Tony where the alcohol was. She kept a close eye on Loki. 

“What’s your problem? We’re both murderers, we’re twins,” Loki grinned.

“Aw is he doing that shit where he reads your mind and makes fun of something awful that happened?” asked Valkyrie.

“Yeah, I’m not listening to him,” said Natasha. 

“Yeah he’s stupid. Hate you Loki,” she said, throwing something at him. He dodged it.

“I hate you too.” 

“Aw, look at that they’re getting along so well,” Thor said. “I hate you brother,” Thor said, wrapping an arm around him. 

“I hate you more brother.” 

“So, where’s the buffet?” asked Carol. Thor laughed.

“I like this one,” he said. 

 

Clint watched the Guardians much more carefully than the wizards, who were just eating every single thing they could find to eat. 

“Do you guys not have food in the wizard house?” asked Bucky. 

“Not really,” Strange said, shoving as many cookies into his mouth as he could. “I’m disabled and he’s illegal, so it’s not easy to get a job as you might think.”

“Wait, you’re illegal?” Sam asked Wong.

“Well, the Sanctums are the homes of all of the sorcerers of Kamar-Taj-”

“Yeah but like did you go through customs?”

“No, I just used a portal and got here. It would take too long to go through customs. Stephen visited Kamar-Taj and vastly overstayed his welcome.” 

“I should have been deported quiet a long time before I went back to New York,” Stephen confirmed. 

“That’s hardcore,” Sam said, punching Wong’s shoulder. 

“Thank you?” Wong said. 

“Alright, Team Cap, we’re gonna divide off rooms, give everyone their rooms. So uh, Tony is the guy who owns this so he gives us small rooms and stuff like that, but that’s what happens sometimes. Everyone has to bunk up with somebody,” Steve explained. 

“Bunking? What is that?” Nebula snapped. 

“You share a room with somebody you can spend a lot of time with.” 

“Stephen is mine,” Wong said.

“You actually like me?” Stephen asked.

“You’re the only one I know I can stand,” Wong sighed. “It’s better than the worst.” 

“I will bunk with my sister,” Nebula said, tightly holding Gamora’s arm. 

“I call Groot,” Rocket said. 

“I will not bunk with Quill,” Drax said. Wanda came down the hall and grabbed Mantis’ hand.

“I don’t have a roommate, you can bunk with me if you’d like,” she said, smiling. 

“Ohh! New friend!” Mantis said. “Can I be your friend?” Wanda smiled. 

“Sure you can be my friend.”

“You feel.. Sad.. You feel… great loss,” Mantis said softly. 

“Mantis, don’t do this right now,” said Quill. Wanda paused for a moment.

“Would you like to know what I feel more than that?” Wanda said.

“Hm?”

“Excitement.. Happiness. You want to know why?”

“Why?”

“I have a new friend,” Wanda said. Mantis hugged her. 

“I have uh, Meek here,” Korg said. 

“So… We’ve got Drax, Quill, and Bruce.”

“I will not bunk with this… dude,” Drax said to Bruce.

“Then it’s two dudes bunking,” Quill exclaimed, holding Bruce’s arm. 

“Who will I bunk with?” asked Drax, looking around. 

“You get the couch, sorry man,” said Steve. 

“What’s a couch?” asked Drax. 

“It’s super cozy, you’re so lucky,” Clint said. Drax believed it. 

“So… What does Team Cap do?” asked Quill. 

“Sam has been trying to catch me up on a lot of movies, tonight we’re on…?” Steve asked.

“The Terminator.”

“Wait- have you all seen the most important movie of all time?” asked Peter Quill.

“Which one?” Sam asked.

“Footloose,” said Peter. “Obviously.” 

“With the great hero Kevin Bacon!” exclaimed Mantis.

“I’ve always wanted to see it,” said Gamora. 

“What is Footloose?” asked Bucky.

“Okay, who here has not seen Footloose?” asked Sam. Korg, Meek, Mantis, Nebula, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, Groot, Wanda, Steve, Bucky, and Wong had all never seen Footloose, so Sam lost getting to see Terminator in order to show everyone Footloose. 

 

Team Tony had much bigger rooms, and Natasha was grateful for that. However, mischief was always happening. Especially when the actual God of Mischief was actually around. She moved out of her room slowly and methodically. Loki was up to something. It was the dead of night, but she knew he was up to something. She moved across the floor silently, with all the silence and grace of a trained assassin. She heard someone walking. She peered into the hall to see Rhodey getting a glass of water. She moved further through the halls until she found Loki, turning into a snake and slithering into Thor’s room. She followed him, pushing the door open and watching as Loki drew a penis on Thor’s forehead while he slept. Loki turned to her.

“Don’t tell him?” Loki said.

“Only if you keep it a secret,” she said, walking up and taking the marker, drawing a mustache on him too. Before long the whole team but Peter Parker and Rhodey had gathered in the room taking turns drawing more and more ridiculous things on Thor. 

“Alright, your turn Valkyrie,” Tony whispered, passing the marker after finishing Thor’s new Ironman goatee. Valkyrie took it and drew a “Mom” tattoo on his right bicep. 

“Go for it, Captain 2,” said Valkyrie, giving Captain Marvel the marker. She drew a cat on his leg. Rhodey walked in, metal legs making a lot of noise.

“What the hell are you all doing?” asked Rhodey. Thor woke up.

“What is going…” Thor looked around, and then touched his face. “Loki did you draw a penis- wait… Did you all draw penises on me?!” Thor exclaimed. Everyone ran out as fast as possible; Natasha and Loki were out the fastest. Natasha dived back in her bed and pretended to have been asleep for a while. Thor ran through all of the rooms, opening them and looking around. He opened the door to Natasha’s room.

“What… Thor..? What are you doing?” she asked.

“I am sorry, Natasha, but I am looking for the person or people who decided to draw a penis on my face,” Thor snapped. 

“Check on Tony,” Natasha said, curling up and pretending to go back to sleep.

“Thank you, Natasha.”

 

Team Cap was fairly peaceful. Steve looked around the room. Footloose was still playing and most of the Guardians’ eyes were glued to the screen as if they were watching a miracle. Except Rocket. The raccoon made his way over to Bucky, trying to remove his arm. Bucky was asleep and Sam was encouraging and filming it. Steve wrapped an arm over Bucky, but didn’t say anything. There was no chance Rocket was getting that thing off, and if he hurt Bucky then Steve would interfere. He looked over. Scott was asleep and Clint was texting, likely Natasha or his wife. Wanda was braiding Mantis’ hair. Nebula and Gamora were watching, and occasionally talking. Wong had fallen asleep, flopped over on Strange who had made a portal so that he could take popcorn from the Guardians’ bucket. Then Mantis noticed.

“He’s fallen asleep! Wake him up or he’ll miss some of the greatest movie ever!” Mantis exclaimed.

“If you wake him up none of us will see the ending of Footloose because we’ll all be dead.” Korg and Meek looked up at the screen. 

“Is this happening.. Now? How does this-” Korg began.

“Shh! You are interrupting the Footloose,” Nebula hissed. There was a long pause of movie watching before the credits rolled. Steve kind of wished that they had watched the Terminator. “It is late enough,” Nebula said. “It is time to invade Team Tony and take their food.” 

“We’re doing what?” Wong asked.

“Of course you wake up when food is involved,” Strange remarked. Wong elbowed him in the stomach and took the rest of the popcorn from Strange. “Ah-  _ Wong  _ don’t do that my hands-”

“I didn’t even touch your hand scars-”

“ _ Yes you did- _ ” 

“Then you should have just given me the popcorn-”

“Well if you asked instead of mangling my hand-”

“Are you arguing? I want to argue!” Drax yelled. He then threw the popcorn at them both. They both just sat there for a minute. Then Wong got up and threw the popcorn bucket back and Drax charged forwards, yelling. 

“Wait! Wait!” Steve yelled, stepping between, Bucky’s head hitting the floor as he got up. 

“Steve!” Bucky whined. “Yo, what the hell are you!?” Bucky slapped Rocket across the room. 

“I just wanted your arm a-hole!” 

“You wanted… My arm?” asked Bucky. “You can’t have my arm!”

“Hold on, everybody just relax-”

“You have another arm,” Rocket shrugged.

“Alright, look, everybody just relax,” Steve said. “Rocket, if you like technological stuff like Bucky’s arm we can get you something- and we have more popcorn-” 

“It’s alright, we’re fine,” Wong said. 

“But… we were battling!” Drax said.

“We argue all the time,” said Stephen. 

“That’s what best friends do,” said Sam, shoving Bucky. 

“I hate you,” Bucky said. 

“Stephen is not my friend,” Wong said. 

“Oh wow,” said Stephen. “Then what are we Wong?”

“Stephen there is no  _ we _ , that’s weird-”

“Wait- where are Nebula and Gamora?” asked Quill.

“Uh.. Oh…”

“They’re attacking Team Tony- we need to go!” Quill yelled, running through the building. Steve sighed heavily before following Quill. This was gonna be a trainwreck. 


End file.
